Six Week Update

Where to start with week six?! Zac and I had been warned that week six would be a challenging one. One person even described it as 'hell week'. They weren't wrong. Babies are due for a nice growth spurt at week six and as you can imagine this causes them to get pretty hungry and quite fussy. Zane is falling right in line. His fussiness began week five and hit an all time high this week. (Or at least we hope it's an all time high!) We've nicknamed our little man "Tiny Tyrant". He's quite demanding this week and we're doing our best to determine what he wants and meet his needs. Sometimes it takes us a little longer to figure it out and Zane isn't happy about it. Poor baby!

One thing about growing is that it makes Zane a hungry boy. This is fantastic! We want our little man to grow big and strong. This week he started to cluster feed. Being a breast fed baby this meant a lot of extra work for me. We had gotten used to Zane eating every two hours and nursing for forty five minutes to an hour. This left me with an hour to attempt to get things done in between feedings which felt like a lot of work and left me pretty tired.

On Saturday, Zane began to cluster feed. He nursed at 1:30pm, then again at 2:30pm, and 3:30pm and every hour on the half hour for the rest of the evening until his bedtime routine started just after 8:00pm. His feedings still lasted about forty five minutes or so which only left me a fifteen minute rest between each nursing session. Talk about exhausting. On Sunday this started at 2:00pm and continued again until bathtime.

Yesterday was the fourth day of cluster feeding and it began once Zane woke up at 6:00am. By this time I was unbelievably exhausted and didn't know if I could do it anymore. I have also been trying to pump and get a nice stash together for when I go back to work. Pumping during the cluster feeding has been just about impossible. I tried a few times to pump while feeding Zane and when he squirmed he would push the pump off. After his sixth feeding yesterday I was pooped. It was just after 11:00am and I couldn't imagine continuing on for the next 9 hours. I finally gave in and had Zac feed Zane from a bottle while I pumped. I pumped every time that Zane fed to make sure that my supply didn't take a dip, but my pumping didn't last for as long as Zane's nursing sessions would. This helped me keep a bit of my sanity and still allowed me to add to our frozen milk stash. I'm grateful that Zac had the entire day off and was home with me. I'm not sure what I would have done if it was just me.

Eating as much as he is, Zane is going through quite a few diapers. Prior to the cluster feeding, Zac and I were doing diaper laundry and making wipes every other day. The last few days Zane's diaper pail has been filling up daily which means daily washing. Thankfully we have our wash routine down (turns out I had the washer on the wrong setting before) so the diapers get clean without needing an additional wash. It's not a huge deal having an extra load of laundry to do but we do look forward to going back to washing diapers every other day. 

In addition to being super hungry, Zane is also much more fussy than he has ever been. This week if he wasn't sleeping or nursing, he was screaming. It can wear you down when that adorable little face gets so red, that tiny body stiffens up, and that loud crazy cry echoes through the house. On Monday the exhaustion and Zane's screams started to get to me and I needed a break. Zac saw that I was getting tears in my eyes, handed me the car keys and our Target shopping list, and told me to get out of the house for a little bit. It was my first solo shopping trip since Zane was born. I have to admit that I lost my sleep deprived mind. Even though I had a list, I grabbed a cart and just started shopping. When I hit the register I immediately woke up and snapped out of my haze when the register read $357. Needless to say when I got home I sorted through my pile of goodies and created a very big "return" bag. 

Zac and I tried several things to help make him happy and some things just didn't work. Zane had a lot of gas so we tried what we could to relieve him of the pain. We pumped his legs, massaged his belly, and rubbed his back. He seemed to really like the Superman hold.

These days we look forward to a little after Zane's 8 o'clock feeding when we start his bedtime routine. Just after this feeding we get the bath started. Zane's first bath was not an enjoyable experience for him. He screamed at the top of his lungs and raged the whole time. The second time around, he cried only when we wet his head and washed his hair. As the saying goes, the third time was a charm. The sound of the water seemed to calm him and he was very relaxed during the whole bath. Even while I washed his hair he just looked around and didn't make a peep. He stayed calm once he was wrapped up in his towel and even allowed me to massage him with some lotion before diapering him up and swaddling him. It's especially great that he gets so calm during bathtime because most evenings Zac is at work and I give Zane his bath by myself. Afterwards he goes to bed just fine. 

We've heard that week seven should be much less difficult than week six. Zane should finish cluster feeding and get back on a regular routine. He should also be a much happier little man and THAT is something we look forward to. He's such a sweet, expressive little guy and we hate to see him upset. I hope to get more of these cute little faces than a pouty lip or a scream.

Today not only marks week six for Zane but also the end of my maternity leave. Tomorrow is my first day back at work. Tonight I'll be laying out my clothes, packing my pumping supplies, and setting my alarm instead of listening for Zane. (He is a pretty reliable alarm clock!) In the morning, Zac will be giving Zane his first bottle of the day while I sit in the parking lot of my work pumping before heading in to get my eight hour shift started. The longest I've been away from Zane up until now has been forty five minutes. It's definitely going to be a rough day and I hope it goes by quickly. At least I know that Zane will be with his daddy all day and I will have bathtime to look forward to when I get home.

Cloth Diapering Part 4: One Month Update

Sorry for the lack of posting this week. I've been trying to get this post (and a few other one month update posts) finished for the last five days now. Lots going on with a fussy little Zane. I've also been having issues with pumping and amping up my supply to create a stash so that we have enough milk on hand while I'm at work. But I'm sure that will be a completly different post.  

Zane is a month old and I thought that it was a good time for another cloth diapering update. In the last cloth diapering post we had just finished with week one. At that point we were only using the Lil' Joey diapers in our stash and loved the way they were working out. The last half of the first week, we had started to use the rest of the disposable diapers the hospital gave us when Zane was born, while we waited for him to heal from his circumcision. (We were applying a lot of Vaseline to help him heal and we didn't think that it was good for the cloth diapers.)

Zane healed pretty quickly and he was back in cloth diapers before we knew it. Since then, Zac and I have had some time to really get a routine going, try out all of the diapers in our newborn stash, and figure out what works for us and Zane.

Lil' Joey by Rumparooz: Right off the cuff, the Rumparooz Lil' Joey diapers were our favorite. The all in one diaper is super easy to put on him and we were able to get a great fit on him. These diapers are super absorbant and hold a lot of wetness. The best part about these diapers is that the pull the moisture away from his skin so he stays pretty dry even when he heavily wets the diaper.

For about a week, we were unable to get a great fit on our little guy. Zane is tall and skinny with thin little thighs. He had started to get a little belly on him so we adjusted the waist. Since the Lil' Joey diapers only have one snap to adjust the fit, extending the waist also extended the thigh holes and they were not as snug as they needed to be. He did leak a little onto his clothes as a result. This is when we really started trying out the other diapers in our stash.

Zane has grown a few inches and his belly is not as round so the fit is back to being just snug enough on both his waist and thighs. While we still love these diapers we have a few new favorites as well.

Prefolds: Surprisingly, these have turned out to be our favorite diapers to use throughout the day. At first we were a bit nervous to use them. The whole folding thing left us a little intimidated. After we looked up some Youtube videos (yes we are huge fans of Youtube) we realized that it was going to be a lot easier than we thought (much like cloth diapering in general). And look how cute the covers look with his clothes.

It is definitely easier to get a custom fit on Zane with a prefold since there are no snaps to worry about. (Well at least on the prefold.) We're using newborn covers by Rumparooz which have multiple snaps and allow us to get a better fit on him as well. We've never had any leaks or blowouts while he has been wearing a prefold. We have had some almost blowout moments where the mess has gotten out of the prefold, but the double gusset leg holes and the great fit of the covers have held everything in nicely. We also like that (permitted we don't have an almost blowout moment) we can use the covers several times a day before needing to wash them.

The one thing about using prefolds is that they are not super absorbant. Once they are wet, they are wet. The all in one diapers seem to pull the wetness away from Zane's skin and the prefolds don't have that quality. Zane gets very uncomfortable when he gets wet (as anyone would) and he will let us know when he needs a changing when he has a prefold on. We do find that we change more diapers when we use the prefold, but they take a lot less time to dry so we can replenish our stash pretty quickly.

Grovia: Initially we were not a fan of this Grovia all in one newborn diaper. This was because we used it as an overnight diaper one evening and it just wasn't meant for that. Zane is a bit of a heavy wetter and he filled this diaper up. The moisture wicked onto his pajamas and in the middle of the night we were left to change not only his diaper but his whole outfit as well. This is not fun when you are super tired and can hardly open your eyes.

Though this was not a good night time option we later found that it was a great day time diaper when we were changing him more frequently. We were able to get a great fit on him and it was trim enough to fit under his neworn clothes without a problem.

BumGenius Newborn: Not surprisingly, due to it's velcro closure, we can get the most custom fit on this diaper. It's the easiest diaper for other people to use because there is no guessing which snaps to close it on and no folding involved.

The inside of the diaper is flat with only a single gusset liner. We thought that this might cause problems with blowout and leakage however, due to the custom fit we haven't had any issues. The only problem we've had with this diaper is the velcro closure. While the velcro is great for getting a custom fit and makes it super easy to use, when you're changing a diaper in the middle of the night you don't always remember to tuck the closures on the velcro tab. On a few occasions we've opened up the dryer to find a few cloth wipes or a onesie stuck to the velcro on the diaper. Not cool.

Kissaluvs: This blue Kissaluvs newborn all in one diaper was not one that we originally had in our stash when we started to cloth diaper. A few weeks ago we decided to order Zane a sound machine from Amazon.com (one we eventually returned because we were not a fan...but more on that later). The item was just shy of hitting the free shipping minimum purchase price, so we decided that rather than pay for shipping we would add another item to our cart. It was only a few more dollars to add on an item and get free shipping than to just get the sound machine and pay the money for shopping anyway. We decided to add another diaper to our newborn stash and found this one from Kissaluvs.

We found that this diaper was a cross between the Lil' Joey's and the BumGenius newborn all in one diapers. The outer shell and fit is very much like the Lil' Joey diaper. It has a one snap adjustable fit. The sizing of this diaper is a little different than the Lil' Joey however and we are able to get a better fit around the thighs. The inside is more like the Bumgenius newborn diaper which is flat. It has pretty good absorbtion and keeps the moisture pulled away from Zane's skin. All in all it's a pretty good diaper and one of the first that I will reach for if we are putting him in an all in one.

BumGenius 4.0: Now that our little guy is over 8lbs, he has started to fit into the BumGenius 4.0 one size pocket diapers. These diapers are meant to go from newborn to toddler and can fit babies from 8-35lbs. Being born at 6lbs 11oz, Zane was a bit too tiny for these diapers at birth. These diapers fit when put on the smallest setting for both waist and rise. Since they are able to be set larger for a bigger baby or toddler, they are a bit bulky on our barely 8lb little man.

As you can see, he has quite the big booty in this diaper. This isn't one that we would put him in when dressing him in his newborn clothes, but when we're home and we don't care about how it looks, we think they work pretty good.

I made the mistake of putting him in this diaper a little too early when he had a little bit of a belly and super skinny thighs. The fit wasn't just right on his thighs and I learned this the hard way. I was holding Zane on my lap and suddenly smelled the unpleasant warning of a diaper change. I went to stand up and realized that my lap was covered in poop. Zane had a huge blowout through one of the leg holes and I had quite a clean up job to deal with. I'm pretty sure that he would have had a blowout in any diaper, cloth or disposable, because it was quite a sizeable mess. Still, I opted to avoid using this diaper on him again until we were able to get a better fit on him.

Now that he can fit in the diaper a bit better we've started to use this as a night time option. They are very absorbant and later if we need to increase the absorbancy we can add another insert into the pocket. Zane is a bit of a heavy wetter so it's possible that we'll have to do this soon. For now we love that we can put this on him at night and not have to worry about any leakage. Also, these do a really good job with wicking the moisture into the insert and keeping his skin very dry. This means that even though he soaks the diaper, he isn't waking up in the middle of the night uncomfortable or upset. We'd definitely recommend these diapers to anyone who decided to cloth diaper.

So there's where we stand with our cloth diapering. Or at least it's where we were a few weeks ago. Blogging has certainly gotten more difficult these past few weeks. I'm hoping to be able to keep up the pace but with my return to work quickly approaching we'll just have to see.

Five Week Update

Look who is five weeks old!

Zane had his one month check up today and we were happy to discover that he has put on weight and is growing. Such a relief to know that my milk supply is sufficient enough. He is now up to 8lb 5oz which is almost 2lbs above his birth weight. He has also grown 2 inches since birth which puts him in the 75th percentile for height. While he has gained weight he is still a slender little guy. He currently measures in the 10th percentile for weight but the doctor is not concerned about his growth. As long as he continues to wet at least 6 diapers a day, he is getting enough to eat. 

Zane also got the second round of his Hep B shot. He did a pretty good job. Yes he got upset and cried right after but he was quickly soothed and off we went to continue our day.
This week has been a fussy one for Zane and as a result has been quite a challenging one for Zac and I. It can be a bit frustrating when he is crying and we've tried what we think is everything to make him happy. Zac works during the evening so I am alone with Zane for six to seven hours in the late afternoon and evening. His fussiness tends to start at around five o'clock or so, just shortly after Zac leaves for work, and sometimes lasts until Zac gets home around eleven o'clock. Sometimes swaddling works, sometimes rocking him does the trick, and a few times he has comfort nursed. The doctor told us that evening fussines in babies Zane's age is normal and can continue to get worse until two months. (Yay!) He gave us several suggestions on ways to calm down our fussy boy and recommended using gripe water if needed.

While he loves his swing and bouncy chair, our little guy definitely prefers to be held. The Moby Wrap has come in handy for this. I'm able to keep Zane close and keep him calm while still being hands free to complete necessary chores and tasks. (It's difficult to write a blog post with only one hand free!) Zac loves the Moby Wrap, too. On the few occasions that the weather hasn't been too hot, he has taken Zane outside with him as he completes his chores in the yard. He has even gotten some skin to skin time with him a few times. The sight of Zac wearing Zane around is just so precious, I can hardly stand it.

We celebrated Zac's first Father's Day this weekend which was something pretty special. I was very appreciative of Zac's fantastic managers who gave him Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off. It was great having him home all day for the entire weekend. It definitely reminded us that we need to work on our long term goal of working from home together. It would be wonderful to be able to see each other on a regular basis and have the ability to be available to Zane.

It's been another wonderful week with out little guy. We can't believe how big he has gotten already and how quickly the time has gone by.

Zac's First Father's Day

On Sunday, we celebrated Zac's first Father's Day. How adorable are my boys?!

I'm quite fortunate. Not only is Zac an amazing husband, but he's also an incredible daddy. He was so fantastic throughout my whole pregnancy. I am grateful that he was able to make it to every doctor visit, happily took my picture every week to document our growing baby, made sure I had vitamins and plenty of water, took care of my cravings when appropriate and wasn't afraid to deny me cravings when I wanted something super sugary or fatty, and told me I looked beautiful even on days that I felt like a moose and bawled my eyes out. I couldn't have gone through the delivery without him and after we were home, he was the best caregiver in helping me through recovery. Seeing him with Zane is incredible. The love I have for my family is overwhelming. Zac is great with our little guy and I look forward to seeing their relationship grow. Zane is a lucky little boy to have a daddy who will teach him to be handy, to be a gentleman, the importance of hard work, and who will no doubt be a great role model and show him how to be a good husband and daddy.

Our celebration started with a Sunday brunch at home cooked by me. I nursed Zane and then left my boys to sleep in while I got everything ready. I was able to get a trip to the store by myself this week in between feedings. (That was the quickest trip to Target I've EVER had!) I picked up some streamers and balloons to decorate our dining room for the occasion. I also picked up a couple of Father's Day cards. (One from Zane of course.)

I'm not a good cook so I opted to keep the breakfast items simple. I also made a few different things so that Zac could have options. I wasn't above making a quick run to Uncle Harry's if none of my items turned out delicious. (I'm not kidding when I say that I am not a good cook!) So while the boys slept I made turkey bacon, scrambled eggs, oatmeal, and waffles. To go along with the waffles I put together a little waffle toppings bar with blueberries, strawberries, banana, honey, cool whip, butter,and peanut butter.

As a gift from me, Zac recieved a bottle of Gentleman Jack as well as a few metal yard stakes that hold drinks. I've come home from work on more than one occasion to find Zac in the backyard laying on the day bed, reading a book, and drinking a beer. I thought it might be nice for him to not worry about spilling his beer in the grass.

Zane's gift was a little more personal. Somehow he managed to get a few wooden letters, set up the camera, and snap these amazingly adorable little pictures of himself to give to his daddy. Okay, so he may have had a little bit of help. I found this cute idea on Pinterest while looking around for Father's Day ideas and knew that this would be the perfect gift for Zac. One afternoon while Zac was at work I got Zane all set in his nursery and snapped a few photos. Unfortunately, those original photos didn't work out. I used my camera to snap them and when they were printed they came out a bit blurry. I wasn't happy with them, so Zane and I had a reshoot. I found a cute white frame at Michael's Craft Store and with a coupon was able to swoop it up for for just over $2! To see Zac's face when he saw the gift, I would have paid $200 for that frame. Zac had tears in his eyes when he spotted the frame on the breakfast table (I didn't have time to wrap it) and insisted that we find a place in the house to put it where he could see it every day.

After breakfast, we headed to the grocery store for some junk food and a few items to complete our dinner menu. Zac's parents brought down some of their Chapman beef a while back and we've slowly been pulling packets of meat from our deep freezer in the garage for meals here and there. For Father's Day Zac thought that it was only appropriate to get his grill on so we were having steaks. We took it easy that afternoon just hanging out at home and taking a little nap. That evening we enjoyed our steak and potato dinner and waited for the sun to go down and the summer air to cool off a bit. When the night was finally cool enough we headed to the backyard to lay on the daybed with some strawberry shortcake dessert and watched a mini marathon of The Office on our iPad. Our backyard is softly lit by paper lanterns that hang from our awning to the trees along the back fence. With the lights and the sound of the water rolling down the fountain into our pond, our backyard is pretty magical. It was the perfect way to end a fantastic day.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there!

To my dad: a man of few words, who gave an amazing speech on my wedding day and brought me to tears.

To Zac's dad: one of the sweetest, and kind hearted men I have ever met, and a man that Zac admires greatly.

And to the newest daddy, celebrating his first Father's Day! Happy Father's Day Zac!

Today is going to be a great day. I can't wait to share my little surprise with him this morning.

Zane's Birth Story

Today Zane is one month old. Happy one month birthday little man!

Just one month ago today Zac and I were at the hospital passing the time until our Zane made his big entrance into the world. We are so thankful to have him in our lives.

I've had a few requests to write a post about my labor and delivery story. It's a post that I've been meaning to write but for some reason has taken me longer than I expected. It was such an incredible experience and while the memory was very vivid in the first few days, I'm beginning to lose the details with each passing day. (I'm pretty sure that's Mother Nature's way of seeing to it that we have another baby. Just kidding!) Thankfully I have Zac to fill in the gaps of my memory. 

I'm sure this won't be a post for everyone. No worries to those of you reading; I won't be getting too into detail about everything. Still, a labor and delivery story might not be your cup of tea. So for those of you who are not interested in today's post, stay tuned. Other posts are soon to come that are a little more fun and filled with pictures of our Zane.

For those of you who stuck around to read Zane's birth story...here we go!

We made the decision on Monday May 13th that we were done waiting for Zane to arrive and that induction would be our next step. After talking to our doctor, we set up a date for induction and knew that we would meet our son on Wednesday May 15th. On Tuesday I went in to see my doctor for my final prenatal appoinment and to fill out a consent form for the induction. After my physical check up was complete the doctor said that I was dilated to 4cm so it was possible that my body might decide to go into labor on it's own before we were scheduled to go in to the hospital. I was excited to hear that my body had already done so much work on it's own at home without feeling too uncomfortable. Zac and I were both excited that whether Zane decided to come on his own or not we would only have one more day until we got to hold him.

Our doctor told us that we were scheduled to go to the hospital at 7:30am. He also said that we were the last ones in the books so it was possible that we would receive a call pushing back our appointment if the ward got too busy and there were no rooms available. Even if we got in a little later Wednesday would still be our day which was good news to us. Zac and I spent the rest of our Baby Eve getting last minute things together, making sure that we had everything ready to take to the hospital, and getting arrangements made for our dog Jim since we were sure to be gone for at least a day if not more. We filled our family and close friends in on what was going on and attempted to get to bed early as we knew the next day was going to be a long day.

I had an incredibly difficult time sleeping that night. I kept thinking about what was to come. Being a first time mom I really had no idea what to expect exactly so my mind wandered. I was also just so excited to finally hold the little man that's been kicking around inside of me for these last nine months. I wanted to see his face and kiss his little forehead.

It took a while, but I finally got to sleep. At 4:30 in the morning I was woken up by the phone ringing. The charge nurse from the hospital was calling to let me know that (as predicted by our doctor) things were a bit busy in the hospital that morning and our scheduled appointment needed to be pushed back. The nurse apologized for the inconvenience and asked that instead of heading in to the hospital we should call her back at 8:00am.

Getting back to sleep after that was just impossible. I closed my eyes but sleep wouldn't come. Before I knew it the sky was getting lighter outside and the alarm I had set for our originally scheduled appointment, was going off. I decided to just go ahead and get out of bed. I had a bowl of cereal and went through our bags to make sure that we had everything together to head to the hospital. Zac awoke shortly after, got dressed, and looked crazy excited for the day ahead.

At 8:00 I called the charge nurse back to see when we should head into the hospital and was given the news that we could check in at 8:30. We packed up the car, said goodbye to our pup Jim, and headed to the hospital. Zac had a smile that stretched from ear to ear. While I too was excited, I was also anxious, nervous, scared, etc.. I really had no idea what to expect and the only reference that I had for childbirth were the stories that I had heard from friends and family.

When we got to the hospital we went up to the maternity ward to check in. After filling out paperwork we found out the unfortunate news that there were a few unexpected delays and our room was not yet ready. We went down to the maternity waiting room to hang out and wait for the charge nurse to call us when our room was ready.

By the time we got the call and headed up to our room it was almost 10:30. It was three and a half hours after our originally scheduled appointment. Though the nurses were apologetic for the wait, I wasn't upset. Like I said before, my nerves had gotten to me and although I was excited, I was also a bit scared as well.

I got changed into the hospital gown and it was time to get started. The charge nurse left and the labor nurse arrived shortly after to make sure that I was settled and comfortable before she started to begin the tests. She drew blood, and put in an IV. I'm not a fan of needles so these were less than fun for me but as I considered what was going to happen to me by the end of this hospital visit, I figured it wasn't that bad. I had tested positive for Beta Strep during tests at one of my final prenatal visits. To make sure that the bacteria didn't cause an infection in Zane as he passed through the birth canal, I had to receive antibiotics through an IV as well.  

By the time that I was all changed and set up in bed with the IV it was just about noon. The nurse informed me that I wouldn't be able to eat anything from here on out. I also couldn't drink any water. It was ice chips or nothing. This was quite disappointing as I was already hungry and knew that there were still hours to go until the big event. Poor Zac was also pretty hungry since he hadn't had a decent breakfast before we left the house. He was going to head down to the cafeteria to eat so that he wouldn't be eating in front of me but I asked that he bring the food to the room. Even though I couldn't eat, I didn't want to be alone in the room for very long.

At one o'clock, my doctor arrived to check on my progress. It turned out that I was already five centimeters without any drugs started to speed up my labor. Chances are, Zane would have been born either that day or the next had we not induced. Since my water had not yet broken on it's own, the next step was for my doctor to break my water and get things moving along. The nurse insisted on showing my every tool that was going to be used. I appreciated that she wanted me to be comfortable and know what was going on however I don't do very well with hospitals and things that go along with hospital visits so showing me these things did not make me feel better. While having my water broken was not painful, it was definitely a strange experience. I immediately wanted to take a shower. Unfortunately, that wasn't possible and I was left to deal with the wetness for a while until it was time to change the pad on the bed.

Once that was over, the nurse began the pitocin drip to get my labor going even faster and I started to feel contractions. They weren't intense or really painful. Instead they were just uncomforable. The nurse asked me if I wanted pain medication or if I was going to go drug free. I have much respect for women who have a natural birth plan but for me I knew that I would be getting medication. I have a low pain tolerance and couldn't imagine going through the process without some assistance. The nurse said that she would check with the anesthesiologist about getting me an epidural as soon as possible. Because of the amount of c-sections that were scheduled that day, the anesthesiologist for the maternity ward was pretty booked up. As I was already dilated to 5 centimeters and the anesthesiologist was held up in other deliveries, the labor nurse informed me that I might not be able to get an epidural in time. I cannot explain the panic that rushed over me with this news. The thought of going through this without a little pain relief was scary and not something I hadn't mentally prepared myself for.

The nurse offered Fentinyl, a temporary pain reliever, as an alternative option. She explained that this option would only last a few hours but that I could get more of it later if I needed it. I figured that some pain relief was better than no pain relief so I agreed to go ahead with this option. This was a decision that I would soon regret. Once the drug was administered I was out of it. It hit me like a huge wave and completely changed the way my entire body felt. It seemed like the room was spinning and my whole body felt heavy. I told Zac right away that I didn't like it, but there really wasn't anything that we could do about it. I just had to wait for it to start to wear off. I spent a good twenty minutes with my eyes shut because although it only helped me mildly, it seemed to be the one thing that worked. At least it distracted me from the uncomfortable feeling of my contractions.

Soon after I was given the Fentinyl the labor nurse came in with good news. An anesthesiologist from the surgical ward was available to come up and administer epidurals to patients in the maternity ward. While I was relieved to find out that I would be able to get an epidural in time, I was nervous that my body might react to it as it had to the Fentinyl. I didn't want to have to go through that again. Just after two o'clock the anesthesiologist arrived. The nurse had warned me that the pain from receiving the epidural would be the worst of it. (She was wrong.) I was a bit nervous, quite sleep deprived, and was holding in the emotions of the whole day so by the time the anesthesiologist was all set up, I was in tears. The anticipation of the needle was far worse than the needle itself. The anesthesiologist was very good. I felt close to nothing as he administered the epidural. It didn't take long for the medication to begin to work. My legs felt warm and heavy and I felt no pain or dizziness. Zac asked me how I felt and then laughed as I responded, "I feel cozy". The nurse was happy to see that although my legs were numb I still had the ability to move them. 

Once my epidural was complete, the nurse checked me once more before seting me up with a catheter and replacing my IV bag. I was now dilated 7 centimeters. The nurse was surprised with my progress and predicted that if I continued to progress this quickly, that I would be ready to push by five o'clock. This was exciting news to hear. She also predicted that it would take me about two hours of pushing to bring Zane into this world. This was less exciting news. Two hours of pushing seemed like a very long time.

It wasn't long after this that the labor nurse returned to the room to tell us that we needed to decrease my pitocin and slow down my labor. It turned out that my doctor was finishing up business day at his practice and wouldn't be able to be there in time for me to start pushing. While I was disappointed that we would have to wait longer to get started, I felt nothing due to the epidural, so I was fine with slowing things down. Zac and I had nothing to do but watch television and wait for until we could speed things up again. For a little while I closed my eyes, though I was still unable to sleep.

The labor nurse told us that she would probably be gone before I started to push because shift change was quickly approaching. Sure enough, the change up happened just before it was time to get things rolling.

The evening labor nurse arrived, checked all of my machines and then told me that it was time to start pushing. So, about seven hours after we started to speed up my labor, this was it. I got myself prepared and hoped that it would all be done within an hour instead of two like the first nurse had predicted.

The first few sets of pushes I didn't feel like I was doing anything. The nurse said that with each push Zane was moving closer but during the break between each set he seemed to slowly move back. The nurse had me turn from my back to my left side to push. Being on my side felt much more comfortable than being on my back and I appreciated the change of position. I alternated from my side to my back every few sets of pushing. Rather than pushing in sets of three, I started to push in sets of four to see if I could get Zane moving in the right direction. I continued to do so until it was all over.

I had always wondered how women knew when to push and I quickly learned. The doctor had ordered that before I start pushing that my epidural be turned down so that I could feel my contractions. He explained to me during his afternoon visit that this was important for me to know when to push. Right before I started to push, my epidural had finally worn down to half  and I was starting to feel contractions. The sensation started off slow and then peaked before tapering off. They didn't last for long but I was grateful that I didn't have to go through hours of feeling that way while I labored. Unfortunately, the epidural had only worn off on my left side leaving my right side still numb. Feeling contractions only on my left side was odd but I figured that it was better than feeling them all over. More painful and uncomfortable than the contractions was my back pain. The contractions were bearable, but the lower back pain was intense and wouldn't go away.

Before I knew it, the sky outside had darkened and the clock revealed that I had already been pushing for an hour. I was starting to sweat and my hair was sticking to my forehead and neck. Thankfully, I had packed hair ties and bobby pins in my bag and Zac was there to grab these items for me so that I could pin my hair back. After a few more sets of pushing I began to feel really worn out. The nurse reached over and placed an oxygen mask over my face. This did not go over well with me. The mask made me feel trapped and I pulled and tugged until I freed my face from it. The nurse apologized but suggested that I breathe with the mask in between pushing. I honestly couldn't tell the difference but I'm guessing that it helped.

By this time, my doctor had arrived and came in once or twice to see how I was doing and check on my progress. At the time I was so focused on my contractions that continued to get more and more intense that I wasn't paying much attention to anything else including what was going on in the room around me. Zac told me later that the nurse and doctor seemed a little concerned. Apparently, every time I pushed, Zane's heartrate was decreasing more than the doctor felt comfortable with. Once I stopped pushing, his heartrate would shoot back up. They wanted Zane to get out as soon as possible. All that I noticed was that my doctor had put on gloves and was getting himself set at the end of the bed. I felt a weight lifted because I knew that this meant that it was almost over. I could do this.

The contractions during the last few sets of pushing were the most intense. I knew that each push was one less push that I would have to do and this is what kept me motivated. Then came the most intense pain that I have ever felt in my life. (Zac told me later that because the doctor was concerned with getting Zane out, he assisted me on that push by using both hands to reach in a bit and pull out Zane's head.) After that pain came the greatest feeling of relief and the words that I had been waiting to hear, "Just one more push!". I pulled together all of my strength, gave one final push and then, after two hours of pushing, there he was. A perfect, tiny person.

I stared at him in disbelief and was awakened by his scream. I looked over at Zac who was smiling from ear to ear. After pulling out the camera and getting some video of Zane in all of his newborn glory, it was time for the nurses to take Zane away and get him all cleaned up. Zac leaned over and gave me a kiss on the forehead. Let me just say that when your husband looks at you with tears in his eyes and whispers "You're my hero" in your ear before giving you a kiss, well that's just not something you'll ever forget.

Four Week Update

Time is seriously going by too quickly. It's unbelievable to me that Zane is four weeks old and that my maternity leave is officially over in two weeks. *sigh*

This week we've started giving Zane some tummy time on his Boppy pillow to start building up the strength of his little neck. So for about five minutes a few times a day he sits tummy to pillow. We think he likes it.

Zane seems to be getting bigger by the day. (His eating schedule no doubt has something to do with it!) We're excited that more of his newborn clothes are starting to fit him. For a while we were limited on clothing options for him because of his size. While the clothes were all long enough for him, he was swimming in most of the onesies. Zac weighed Zane the other day using our bathroom scale and (if it's accurate) he is now up to just over eight pounds. He is still a long baby who doesn't yet have a round belly but we're glad to see that he is putting on some weight. His next doctor appointment is on June 19th so we'll have to wait until then to get the official word on how much he's grown.

I had my four week postpartum appointment this morning and I am now down twenty pounds since Zane was born. I am grateful to have lost that much so far, especially since I haven't been getting any physical activity other than walking around bouncing Zane and breastfeeding. I've gotten the okay from my doctor to start working out again so I can begin to work on getting rid of the other thirteen pounds I gained during pregnancy. After that I'll start on my goal of getting back to my pre-pre pregnancy self. The real challenge will be finding the time. After an eight hour shift at work, I'm sure I'll want to take in as much time with Zane before going to bed and starting all over again. I'm sure once we get settled into a routine I will be able to get twenty minutes here and thirty minutes there. No need to rush it.

In the meantime, I'll be focusing on pumping in order to get a good supply of milk stored up, and spending as much time as I can hugging, kissing, and loving my little guy!

Bring on week 5!

Ryan's Closet

Meet Ashley.

Ashley and I met one another and became friends when we were eleven years old. We attended elementary, junior high, and high schools together. Now we're both married and have started families. Ashley and her husband Jake were first blessed in 2006 with their son Jonathon.

In early 2008, they were excited to find out that adorable little Jonathan was going to be a big brother. Their family was expecting another little boy.

Heartbreakingly, it was discovered that their second son, Ryan, had Trisomy 18, also known as Edward's Syndrome. The condition is a chromosomal disorder that unfortunately has a high mortality rate. Ryan Christopher was born on August 21 at only 30 weeks gestation and passed away on August 24.

I can't imagine suffering such a great loss. Ashley, her husband Jake, and their families are very strong people.

In January 2010 their family grew once more when a third son, Caleb, was born.

These two sweet little boys have kept Ashley and Jake very busy. When Zac and I revealed the gender of little baby Chapman, Ashley welcomed me to the boy club and told me "It's so fun and quite the ride".

This past November, Ashley and her family made the announcement that they were expecting baby number 4! (How cute are all of her handsome guys in vests?!)

And not too long after, they discovered that baby number four was a girl! Bring on the pink! Have you seen a more adorable pregnant woman? I think not.

On June 2, Ashley and her family were blessed once more when they welcomed Isabella Grace into the world. Congratulations on the newest addition!

This sweet little princess is lucky to have three older older brothers to look after and protect her. Ryan is no doubt smiling upon her.

This August is Ryan's fifth birthday and marks the fifth anniversary of Ryan's Closet. Ashley and her family have turned Ryan's memory into a great cause by creating a non profit organization called Ryan's Closet. To honor Ryan and help out other families with preemies, they collect preemie clothing and blankets throughout the summer and in August, deliver these items to local NICUs. Donations are also sent to a NICU in Uganda, Africa.

Throughout the years their non profit organization has gotten bigger and they have collected more and more donations. There are a lot of families that have been touched by all of those who have donated in honor of Ryan.

If you would like to make a donation, Ryan's Closet will be collecting items to send to the NICUs until the end of August. Please check out their Facebook page (Ryan's Closet Facebook Page) and contact the group to find out where to send donations or to set up a pickup.