Six Week Update

Where to start with week six?! Zac and I had been warned that week six would be a challenging one. One person even described it as 'hell week'. They weren't wrong. Babies are due for a nice growth spurt at week six and as you can imagine this causes them to get pretty hungry and quite fussy. Zane is falling right in line. His fussiness began week five and hit an all time high this week. (Or at least we hope it's an all time high!) We've nicknamed our little man "Tiny Tyrant". He's quite demanding this week and we're doing our best to determine what he wants and meet his needs. Sometimes it takes us a little longer to figure it out and Zane isn't happy about it. Poor baby!

One thing about growing is that it makes Zane a hungry boy. This is fantastic! We want our little man to grow big and strong. This week he started to cluster feed. Being a breast fed baby this meant a lot of extra work for me. We had gotten used to Zane eating every two hours and nursing for forty five minutes to an hour. This left me with an hour to attempt to get things done in between feedings which felt like a lot of work and left me pretty tired.

On Saturday, Zane began to cluster feed. He nursed at 1:30pm, then again at 2:30pm, and 3:30pm and every hour on the half hour for the rest of the evening until his bedtime routine started just after 8:00pm. His feedings still lasted about forty five minutes or so which only left me a fifteen minute rest between each nursing session. Talk about exhausting. On Sunday this started at 2:00pm and continued again until bathtime.

Yesterday was the fourth day of cluster feeding and it began once Zane woke up at 6:00am. By this time I was unbelievably exhausted and didn't know if I could do it anymore. I have also been trying to pump and get a nice stash together for when I go back to work. Pumping during the cluster feeding has been just about impossible. I tried a few times to pump while feeding Zane and when he squirmed he would push the pump off. After his sixth feeding yesterday I was pooped. It was just after 11:00am and I couldn't imagine continuing on for the next 9 hours. I finally gave in and had Zac feed Zane from a bottle while I pumped. I pumped every time that Zane fed to make sure that my supply didn't take a dip, but my pumping didn't last for as long as Zane's nursing sessions would. This helped me keep a bit of my sanity and still allowed me to add to our frozen milk stash. I'm grateful that Zac had the entire day off and was home with me. I'm not sure what I would have done if it was just me.

Eating as much as he is, Zane is going through quite a few diapers. Prior to the cluster feeding, Zac and I were doing diaper laundry and making wipes every other day. The last few days Zane's diaper pail has been filling up daily which means daily washing. Thankfully we have our wash routine down (turns out I had the washer on the wrong setting before) so the diapers get clean without needing an additional wash. It's not a huge deal having an extra load of laundry to do but we do look forward to going back to washing diapers every other day. 

In addition to being super hungry, Zane is also much more fussy than he has ever been. This week if he wasn't sleeping or nursing, he was screaming. It can wear you down when that adorable little face gets so red, that tiny body stiffens up, and that loud crazy cry echoes through the house. On Monday the exhaustion and Zane's screams started to get to me and I needed a break. Zac saw that I was getting tears in my eyes, handed me the car keys and our Target shopping list, and told me to get out of the house for a little bit. It was my first solo shopping trip since Zane was born. I have to admit that I lost my sleep deprived mind. Even though I had a list, I grabbed a cart and just started shopping. When I hit the register I immediately woke up and snapped out of my haze when the register read $357. Needless to say when I got home I sorted through my pile of goodies and created a very big "return" bag. 

Zac and I tried several things to help make him happy and some things just didn't work. Zane had a lot of gas so we tried what we could to relieve him of the pain. We pumped his legs, massaged his belly, and rubbed his back. He seemed to really like the Superman hold.

These days we look forward to a little after Zane's 8 o'clock feeding when we start his bedtime routine. Just after this feeding we get the bath started. Zane's first bath was not an enjoyable experience for him. He screamed at the top of his lungs and raged the whole time. The second time around, he cried only when we wet his head and washed his hair. As the saying goes, the third time was a charm. The sound of the water seemed to calm him and he was very relaxed during the whole bath. Even while I washed his hair he just looked around and didn't make a peep. He stayed calm once he was wrapped up in his towel and even allowed me to massage him with some lotion before diapering him up and swaddling him. It's especially great that he gets so calm during bathtime because most evenings Zac is at work and I give Zane his bath by myself. Afterwards he goes to bed just fine. 

We've heard that week seven should be much less difficult than week six. Zane should finish cluster feeding and get back on a regular routine. He should also be a much happier little man and THAT is something we look forward to. He's such a sweet, expressive little guy and we hate to see him upset. I hope to get more of these cute little faces than a pouty lip or a scream.

Today not only marks week six for Zane but also the end of my maternity leave. Tomorrow is my first day back at work. Tonight I'll be laying out my clothes, packing my pumping supplies, and setting my alarm instead of listening for Zane. (He is a pretty reliable alarm clock!) In the morning, Zac will be giving Zane his first bottle of the day while I sit in the parking lot of my work pumping before heading in to get my eight hour shift started. The longest I've been away from Zane up until now has been forty five minutes. It's definitely going to be a rough day and I hope it goes by quickly. At least I know that Zane will be with his daddy all day and I will have bathtime to look forward to when I get home.

Working Mom

On Sunday Zac and I took Zane to meet our work families. We stopped at my work first for some Sunday brunch. Zac and I enjoyed a yummy breakfast and had several visits at our table as my coworkers stopped by to say 'hello' and get a peek at our sleeping boy. I fed Zane in the parking lot before we went into the restaurant so he was out for the whole visit. It was really nice to see everyone after being gone for the last six weeks. There were a few new faces, but mostly familiar ones and plenty of open arms giving friendly hugs.

Now that Zane is three weeks old (and quickly approaching four weeks!) my maternity leave is halfway over and I have to start thinking about going back to work. During our Sunday brunch visit I was asked several times when I would be returing. One of the managers I share the office with asked me if I was really coming back or if I was just saying that I was coming back but really staying home.

As much as I would love the opportunity to stay home and take care of my beautiful baby boy, I will be returning to work in just a few short weeks.This is not something that I'm excited about. Don't get me wrong. I like my job. I have a set schedule, weekends off, and I work with some amazing people. I am just not looking forward to going back to work and leaving my little Zane.

In a perfect world, I would be able to be at home but unfortunately, that's just not possible right now. It's very important for our family that Zac and I both work. After all, we have a beautiful home that we would like to keep and a son to take care of. My job is necessary not just for the income it brings in but because our family has insurance through the company. Without my job we'd lose the income and would cost ourselves a great deal more in medical bills.

So in a few weeks, I'll be headed back to my forty hour work week. I have my four week postpartum appointment with my OB on Wednesday and he should give me the exact date that I am permitted to return to work but I'm pretty sure that it will be on Thursday, June 27. (This also happens to be the eight year anniversary of my first date with Zac.)

There were a few things that Zac and I had to think about with my return to work. The first being childcare for our Zaney boy. Our schedules tend to be opposite so we actually shouldn't have too much of a problem in this area. I go to work at 7:00am and typically get done at around 3:30 - 4:00pm. Zac works nights and usually goes in at 4:00pm. Thankfully, Zac and I both have jobs that are pretty close to our home so our "commute" is no more that ten minutes. As long as I am able to work my eight hours, clock out by 3:30, and get home quickly, Zac can leave to work without any worry about being late and we won't need anyone to watch Zane. If for any reason I have to stay later to finish some work and can't get home in time for Zac to get to work, my mother has made herself available to come over and cover for us until I get home. Though I have a set schedule and work Monday through Friday, Zac's schedule is less predictable and consistent. He usually works weekends which leaves two days during the week that he has off. Thankfully, this means that a few days a week we won't have to worry too much about when I get out of work.

My biggest concern with heading back to work, is maintaining my goal of having Zane recieve breast milk until he's one year old. This goal was already challenged when we had to supplement every other feeding with formula when Zane was one week old. We are now down to one bottle of formula a day and I want to be sure that this number doesn't increase.

In order to see this goal through while I'm at work I know that I will need to have a good stash of breast milk stored away. I talked to some of my mama buddies, read articles, watched Youtube videos, and tried to get as much information and advice as possible in regards to pumping and storing breast milk. I bought a breast pump while I was pregnant and this week I started to use it. I try to pump a few times a day and my goal is to have at least 100oz of milk stored in our deep freezer before my first day of work. Realistically, if I continue to pump the same amount of ounces that I have been I will probably only have about 80oz frozen. My hope is that my supply will increase as I continue to pump and that I will save more with each pumping session.

I will need to pump at work not only to keep up my milk supply while I'm at home with Zane but also the make sure that there is enough milk on hand for Zac to feed our little guy while I'm at work. This has been my biggest area of concern. I don't have a private office to myself. Instead, I share the office with ten male managers. The office door is locked and can only be opened by key holding staff (managers and myself) however, there are at least four managers on duty who come in and out of the office while I'm at work. In addition, staff members frequently knock on the door and need to come into the office throughout the day so really all the lock does is require me to get out of my seat often to let staff in or tell them that no manager is available.

I will probably be pumping twice during my eight hour shift and will obviously want a private, quiet space to do so. The office will probably not work out. The amount of people that come in and out of the office throughout the day will make it a little difficult for me to feel comfortable enough to pump successfully. I could put up a sign on the door that says something along the lines of "do not enter; pumping in progress". (Or something other wording asking for privacy in a nice way.) I would need the office to for around thirty minutes each time I pump and it might not be possible to lock managers and staff out of the office for this amount of time during operating hours. Unfortunately, there currently is no other room in the back of our restaurant that is private, comfortable, and has a lock so I am not sure what alternative plan could be worked out. This is something that I will need to discuss with my management team before returning to work.There are other factors that could come in the way of reaching the goal of giving Zane breastmilk until his first birthday, but I don't want going back to work to be the reason that we aren't successful.

While, I'm not the happiest to be headed back to work, especially so soon, it's what needs to happen for our family. Maybe one day it will be possible to only work part time or stop working all together to stay home and take care of my family but for now it's back to the grind. On the positive side there are a few good things about working. Going to work I'll be contributing to our family, getting some grown up conversation outside of the house, and setting an example for my son about hard work.

One Week Update

Today Zane is one week old. It's a little crazy for us to think that it's already been a whole week since we went to the hospital but it has. It's definitely been an exciting and surreal week for us having Zane at home.

Zane was born on Wednesday night at 9:24pm. Since the hospital doesn't like to discharge newborns until they are 24 hours old and Zane was born so late in the day, we were told that we could probably anticipate staying two nights in the hospital. Zac and I weren't thrilled at the idea of being in the hospital for two days but having a private room where the three of us could all stay together made things a little better.

On Thursday we had a few visitors including some friends, my parents, the newborn photographer, and of course several nurses. We were happy to see that Zane's pediatrician was also on the list of visitors for the day. The doctor came by to see how Zane was doing and to fill us in on some things that we could anticipate in the first few days with our little guy. He also told us that our first appointment to see him would be on Saturday. Our first impression of the pediatrician was fantastic and we were happy with our choice of care. My OB also stopped by to check on me. He was happy to hear that I only had mild cramping and no serious pain to report.

Things must have looked great because he told me that I could be discharged as soon as the pediatrician gave word that Zane was fine to go. We were excited to hear a few minutes later that the pediatrician had already given permission for Zane's discharge. This meant that we didn't have to stay another night in the hospital! Taking Zane home and sleeping in our own bed sounded amazing! The nursing staff told us that there were a few more tests that Zane had to go through (a hearing assessment, check for risk of jaundice, etc.) before they could let him go. As long as we were able to leave that evening, Zac and I didn't care if we had to wait a few more hours to head home. 

We were discharged from the hospital at 9:00pm and were just about home when Zane officially reached 24 hours on this earth. My older brother Michael was staying at our house so that our dog Jim wasn't alone and Zane was able to meet his uncle for the first time. 

We came home to find that my mother had spent Wednesday cleaning our house, doing our laundry, and making things comfortable for our return home. My dad had created this welcome home sign for Zane which we proudly displayed in the yard so that our neighbors could see our good news.

Our Thursday was spent at home. I stayed in bed for the entire day resting up, feeding Zane, and staring at his adorable face every waking moment. My sweet Zac waited on me the whole day. I seriously couldn't ask for a better husband. He is just....amazing. 

Zane had the chance to meet the final member of our family, Mr. Jim. Our beloved pup wasn't sure what to make of our newest addition. He sniffed at Zane without getting too close and kept looking at Zac and I with questioning eyes. 

Throughout the week Jim has become more accustomed to Zane. He comes running when he hears Zane cry and has been spotted several times perched on furniture looking over our munchkin.

Our week has been pretty good. It's a surreal feeling to look at Zane and remember that he's not just some baby....he's mine. I can't believe that this beautiful little creature is who I've been carrying around for the last nine months.

Little man got to meet some of my coworkers yesterday when I went in to add him to my health insurance. I haven't been to work in three weeks and it was great to see familiar faces. Zane got so much love. All of my coworkers were excited to see him. I have a really amazing work family. Yesterday was also the day that we took Zane to get his pictures taken by Tess. I am seriously excited to see how they turned out. She was able to get him in some cute positions and had some really awesome set ups.

We did have a bit of a scare this week. When we took Zane in for his three day checkup with the pediatrician on Saturday, he weighed in at 6lbs even. Since he was born at 6lbs 11oz, the doctor thought that he was getting close to losing more than the typically acceptable percentage of weight that babies lose in the first week of life. He asked that we come in again two days later so that Zane could be weighed. We discussed Zane's eating habits thus far and thought that perhaps my milk had not fully come in yet. The doctor thought that by Monday (at 5 days old) Zane should have stopped losing weight and be on the road to getting back up to his birth weight.

On Monday, Zac and I took Zane back in to the doctor to be weighed and were devastated to hear that he had dropped down to 5lb 12oz. He had lost another 4oz in two days. The doctor was of course concerned by the weight loss and started to go over our options to remedy the situation. Because of Zane's loss of weight and lack of peeing it was clear that he was not getting sufficient feeding with breastfeeding and the doctor told us that we would need to start supplementing every other feeding with formula. He said that it was possible that my milk was taking just a little longer to come in or perhaps I was one of those women who just doesn't produce enough milk to sustain an infant. Zane's next appointment was his one week checkup on Wednesday (today) and if his weight didn't increase by then we would have more serious measures to take.

I held myself together in the examination room, and even at the grocery store where we stopped right after Zane's appointment, but by the time we got home I was bawling. Post partum hormones combined with a lack of sleep and the news that Zane had lost almost a pound in five days left me exhausted with emotion. I felt like I was failing my son. My one job was to keep him healthy and happy and I was starving my poor boy. Not wanting to ever give Zane formula, I was crushed that we had to supplement his feedings. On the bright side, it was nice that Zac was able to have some bonding time while feeding Zane and allowing me a little extra time to sleep but I was still disappointed. Zac was so sweet and supportive and most of all reassuring. He reminded me that there were worse things that could be wrong and that if our pediatrician really thought that Zane was in any danger he would have been hooked up to an IV. Zac and I also got a lot of support from an old friend of ours who is a new mama herself. Kaitlen sent me the sweetest messages that made me feel so much better about the situation. Her words really made a difference and I hope she knows that. Her kindess didn't stop there though. She even dropped off dinner and dessert to our home. Seriously such a sweetheart.

So for a day and a half, Zac and I have been supplementing Zane's feeding with formula. We've noticed a great improvement in his eating and he's peeing much more frequently. Also, I think it's safe to say that my milk has now come in completely and I am so thankful.

Today we headed to the doctor's office because Zane was scheduled for his circumcision. (Poor guy!) We were led to a different examination room and Zac and I waited anxiously to see Zane's weight.....6lb 6oz! Zac and I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. We were hoping that Zane would be at least 6lbs so to see the additional 6oz was incredible...too incredible....impossible really. The nurse thought it was a little crazy, too. Ten ounces in two days? The nurse was pretty skeptical so she decided to take Zane back to the examination room where he weighed in at 5lb 12oz. She re-weighed him on that scale and wouldn't you know it, the scale was not calibrated correctly. It turned out that Zane hadn't lost any weight when the scale showed that he was 5lb 12oz. Though we had worried and stressed for nothing, we were relieved that his growth was right on track. The doctor told us that we could start weaning Zane off of the formula feedings and get back to our plan of only breastfeeding. I could have cried with happiness. (Again...hormones!)

Zac and I accepted the situation as a small test for us and in our eyes we had passed. Yes we were both upset. I cried about it and Zac beat himself up for not recognizing that Zane wasn't peeing as much as he should, but we didn't lose focus. We talked to each other about it instead of getting frustrated with one another. We accepted advice and reassurance. Most importantly, we were flexible when our plans changed because it was necessary (or so we thought) to make sure that our son was healthy and growing.

The rest of today's appointment went pretty well. Both the nurse and pediatrician laughed because Zane slept through his circumcision. I fed him right before we left for the doctor in hopes that he would be calm and sleepy. Thankfully it worked out. Not only did he sleep during the procedure but he slept for most of the afternoon as well. I had to wake him each time feeding came around and he promptly went back to sleep when he was done eating.

This evening he woke up and became alert long enough for our first family walk. The weather was beautiful today. Instead of the heat we've had the last week, today was breezy and cool. We bundled up our little lovebug and tried out our stroller for the first time on a small walk around the block.

It's been quite a week. We can't wait to see what week 2 brings us!